Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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