This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
