Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
