Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
