I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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