if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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