just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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