im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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