He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
