i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
