i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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