my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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