How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
