I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
