I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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