He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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