I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
