He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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