i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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