never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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