No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize