I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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