You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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