Will you blow on my dice?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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