Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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