my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
