Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
