I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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