I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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