I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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