it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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