I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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