i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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