The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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