You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
