Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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