Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
