If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
