everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
