Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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