Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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