grandma shit on top of the toilet
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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