well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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