I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
