You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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