I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
