When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
