I want to walk on stilts...naked
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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