So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
