Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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