I want to have your abortion
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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