Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
