It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
