it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
