I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
