So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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