We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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