Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
