dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
