He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
