why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
