He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
