You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need water and some morals
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
