Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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