I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
