were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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