Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
