why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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