What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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