I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
