He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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