I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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