so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
