So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
