the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
