youre lurking in front of me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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