I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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