So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
