i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
