I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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